Z: One End Is Another Beginning

Z, the final letter in month of almost daily blogging, marks the end of the A to Z Blogging Challenge.  It's the end of a journey that I honestly didn't think I was going to finish.  I don't have a very good track record when it comes to following through on personal projects.  But I made it through, with only one little slip-up this last Saturday, when I instead posted on Sunday.  I'm proud of myself for making it all the way.

I've grown a lot through this challenge.  I tend to be a slow writer, yet as the month progressed, I found it easier and easier to crank out posts in a relatively short amount of time.  This blog has never had any significant readership or following.  In the past, I've wonder if anyone really reads my posts at all.  I greatly appreciate those of you who have stopped by during this challenge or who have left encouraging comments.  I struggle a bit with self-confidence and your small show of support means so much to me.

Throughout this challenge, I've been fascinated with the sheer diversity of bloggers who participated.  I didn't agree with all of you on any number of topics and some of you wrote about things I wasn't interested in, but it is amazing to me that a challenge like this could bring us all together and give us the opportunity to learn a little bit about each other.  I'm thankful I got the opportunity to participate.

Z might be the end of the alphabet, but it is also the beginning of many words.  So just as today marks the end of this challenge, it marks a new beginning for this blog.  I'm still considering what to rename it.  With the name change, I hope to change the look and add an about section.  There may end up being some organizational changes as well.  I also hope to continue posting on at least a weekly basis.  The hymn series I started this month on Fridays is only on stanza four of ten of LSB 724.  I will be moving this series to Sundays, beginning this week on May 4th.  And, of course, there will continue to be posts about baking, poetry, and grad school adventures!

Yeast

I know that I've mentioned before how much I love baking, especially yeast breads.  I've only ever used dry active yeast.  Growing up, my mom would buy the big vacuum sealed packages, which she used to refill the mason jar in the back of the fridge.  Occasionally, she would use it to make French bread.  I still to this day love the soft, warm inside and the buttery crust of a fresh-baked loaf.  However, the main reason for the jar in the fridge was not the French bread; it was the pizza dough.

Once I could do it on my own, almost every Saturday around four p.m. I added ingredients to the bread machine and started dough for my brothers and me.  When our dough was ready to be rolled out, my mom would start dough for her and my dad.  With four pizzas between the five of us, there were plenty of leftovers for the coming week.

I don't have pizza as often now, but nothing beats the taste of homemade crust.  I don't have my own bread machine so I have to make it by hand when I do, but I prefer it that way anyhow.  Today, I thought I'd share the pizza dough recipe I grew up using.  Enjoy!

Homemade Pizza Dough

³⁄₄ c. water
1 ¹⁄₂ tsp. sugar
1 ¹⁄₄ tsp. dry active yeast
1 tbsp. oil
2 c. flour
¹⁄₄ tsp. salt

Add the first three ingredients to a large bowl and let it set for a few minutes.  Add the remaining ingredients and mix.  If the dough seems a bit dry, add a little more water.  Turn it out onto a floured surface and knead until the dough is soft and smooth.  Return to the bowl and rise for about an hour.  Punch down and let it rise for another 15 minutes.  Roll the dough out on a pizza stone, poke with a fork to prevent bubbles, and bake at 425° for 4 minutes.  Add desired sauce, seasonings, cheese, and toppings.  Return to the oven and bake another 15–20 minutes, until the crust is brown and the cheese is bubbly.

This recipe makes enough dough for one regular crust pizza or two thin crust pizzas.  For added flavor, try using olive oil and adding garlic and Italian seasoning to the dough!

X: the Forgotten Letter

There are plenty of words that contain the letter x; extra, excellent, and extreme are just a few examples.   The same is not true for words starting with the letter x.  I cracked open a dictionary this morning as I was trying to come up with something to write about, and do you know how many words start with x?  In a dictionary that's several inches thick, there is just a page and half of entries.  Many of those words are scientific in nature.

I feel a bit sorry for x.  It really is an underrepresented letter in the English language.  Perhaps we should create a few words to beef up x's tiny little piece of the dictionary.  Here's a few ideas:

• xafter: to shuffle a deck of cards without the aid of a table
• xeinther: to know that the kitchen trash needs emptying without having to visually confirm this fact
• xinbrei: the sound rain makes when it falls on a tin roof
• xtugri: a lazy afternoon walk alongside a stream or other body of water

Walther's Hymnal

So I had a slight A to Z Challenge slip-up by not posting last night, but since Sundays are free days, I figured I could get away with waiting to post until today.

By this point in the month, I had hoped to explore Walther's Hymnal in depth, but that didn't happen.  Even though I'm not as familiar with it as I had hoped to be, I would still highly recommend this book as a must-have resource for the church musician and anyone who is interested in church music.

This book is an English translation of the German-language hymnal, published in 1847, that C.F.W. Walther put together for Trinity Congregation in St. Louis.  While it doesn't include all of the liturgical resources that the original did, it still includes translations of all the hymns, the order of service, prayers, and selected readings.  It also includes a brief historical introduction and music to tunes that aren't found in The Lutheran Hymnal, Lutheran Worship, or Lutheran Service Book (LSB).

Some of the hymns are still used in modern hymnals, but unfortunately, many have fallen out of use.  I spent a little bit of time reflecting on some of the hymns in the "Passion of Christ" section.  One of the hymns, which isn't in LSB, really caught my attention.  Because the translation is copyrighted, I won't print the text of it here, but if you can get your hands on a copy of Walther's Hymnal, translated and edited by Matthew Carver, it is listed as hymn 72.  It's a beautiful hymn that ties Christ's passion to our salvation and is a great hymn for Good Friday.  Because of the fifth and final stanza's reference to our own death and the hope we have of eternal life, I also think that it would work well as a funeral hymn.

I can't wait to explore this resource in greater depth and I would encourage anyone interested to consider adding Walther's Hymnal to his or her library!

Victory By the Light

If God Himself Be for Me (LSB 724, st. 3)

Christ Jesus is my splendor,
   My sun, my light, alone;
Were He not my defender
   Before God's judgement throne,
I never should find favor
   And mercy in His sight,
But be destroyed forever
   As darkness by the light.

Throughout Scripture, God is referred to as light and those who turn from Him are often described as being in darkness.  Like the Israelites of the Old Testament, we are incapable of remaining faithful to God.  Time and time again, we turn our backs and follow our own ways, regardless of how hard we might try to be faithful.  We are in darkness and there we would remain, but Christ says "I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness. . .for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world" (John 12:46, 47b).  Thanks be to God that Christ Jesus, our light, defends us!

previous stanza | next stanza

Sources:

Lutheran Service Book (CPH, 2006)

The Lutheran Study Bible (CPH, 2009)

University Part Two

Tomorrow I will submit my signed acceptance letter and then it will be official:  I'm going to grad school!  I'm very excited for all the changes (I get to move out of my parents' house, hurray!) and the experiences I will have , but there is this one thing that I'm just a little bit afraid of. I have been offered a teaching assistantship. The last time I did any sort of public speaking outside of group projects was in high school, when we had to give a presentation as part of a larger project almost every semester. And I'm not particularly fond of being in relatively large groups of people or being the center of attention. Regardless of the challenges teaching will present to me, I'm very thankful for the opportunity and I'm excited for everything that is come this fall.

Thunderstorm!

This afternoon, we had our first thunderstorm of the year.  In Colorado, that can only mean one thing—summer is on its way.  I'm not particularly excited about this because I am a cold weather person, but still, I enjoy a good thunderstorm, especially when we actually get some precipitation out of it.  Usually, since we live in the foothills, storms pass us over and dump their load further out, toward the plains.  However, we got quite a nice shower of this one and even a little hail.  In fact, it's still drizzling now!

The Singing Church

Back at the beginning of the month, I posted some thoughts about how people in the church do not speak up when confessing the liturgy. Likewise, people don't sing in church; instead, they mumble the words and make a feeble attempt to sing any sort of note.  Guess what?  As a church musician, I'm giving you permission to sing out, even if you can't sing on pitch!  The point of song in the church isn't to showcase one's singing talent.  It's to reinforce what is being taught and preached through the Word and Sacrament.  Plus, it's a great way to be reminded of what we believe.  I've heard pastors say that when a person is old and his or her memory, including the names of loved ones, is fading, he or she can still sing favorite hymns and parts of the liturgy.  What a beautiful thing to be able to hold on to!

Recital

One year ago yesterday, I performed my senior organ recital.  I thought I'd commemorate the anniversary by posting a clip.  This piece, entitled "Quinquagesima", is three-voice fugue I wrote for my composition class. Derived from Latin, quinquagesima means fifty.  The title fits well because my fugue has a theme of fives:  there are five flats in the key signature, the time signature is five four, the fugue subject is five measures long, and the piece has fifty-some measures.  While it remained unnamed in initial drafts, I finally titled it last February, near the time of year that Quinquagesima, the Sunday before Ash Wednesday, occurs in the church. Enjoy!

Quiet

Today, I had intended to present to you, dear readers, a book brief on Quiet by Susan Cain; however, I failed.  I have no idea where this month went, but wherever it went, it took my ability to finish this book with it.

Even though I'm a couple of chapters away from finishing, I still highly recommend this book.  In it, Cain details scholarly research that suggests introverts may be biologically wired differently from extroverts. Through interviews she conducted and seminars she attended, Cain explores what it means to be an introvert in a world that is decidedly extroverted, and how society as a whole can benefit by embracing what its quieter members have to offer.  An introvert myself, her insights have helped me to better understand myself.  Introverts tend to be more sensitive to stimuli, less able to multitask, and better able to process information in solitude.  I'm looking forward to what insights the rest of the chapters hold.

Priceless Treasure: The Gift of Salvation

If God Himself Be for Me (LSB 724, st. 2)

I build on this foundation,
   That Jesus and His blood
Alone are my salvation,
   My true, eternal good.
Without Him all that pleases
   Is valueless on earth;
The gifts I have from Jesus
   Alone have priceless worth.

If the first stanza of this hymn questions how anything can separate us from God, the second stanza gives the reason why we can have such confidence.  We as humans are failures:  we try (or sometimes not) to be kind to those around us.  We try to be the best that we can be at everything we do, but we will inevitably make mistakes, unintentionally offend someone, and not live up to even our own standards and expectations.  We are sinful, and if trusted with our own salvation, we will fail to rescue ourselves from the destruction of our own making.  Thanks be to God that He does not hold us accountable:  Christ Jesus is our salvation!  With the author of Hebrews, we, too, can look "to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2).  And because Christ died to redeem us and rose again and ascended into heaven, we can be sure that we will one day rise to eternal life.  These then are the gifts given to us through Christ: forgiveness, life, and salvation.  They are priceless because unlike the gifts of this world, they will not pass away.

previous stanza | next stanza

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

Today is Good Friday, when we remember what Christ paid on the cross for our freedom.  Tonight, at the Tenebrae service I attended, we sang LSB 451, "Stricken, Smitten, and Afflicted".  I leave you with the forth stanza, which mirrors the one above.

Stricken, Smitten, and Afflicted (LSB 451, st. 4)

Here we have a firm foundation,
   Here the refuge of the lost:
Christ, the Rock of our salvation,
   Is the name of which we boast;
Lamb of God, for sinners wounded,
   Sacrifice to cancel guilt!
None shall ever be confounded
   Who on Him their hope have built.

Sources:

Lutheran Service Book (CPH, 2006)

The Lutheran Study Bible (CPH, 2009)

On Such a Full Sea

Recently I finished On Such a Full Sea by Chang-Rae Lee.  The novel is not one that I would have stumbled upon on my own; rather, I was inspired to check it out from my local library after hearing a story on NPR's Weekend Edition.

Set in a dystopian America sometime in the not-so-distant future, the book follows the journey of Fan, a young woman searching for her missing boyfriend, Reg.  The America in which they live is divided into three distinct societies:  the upper class Charter villages, the self-contained working class cities, and the lawless counties that lie outside the walls of the other two.  Striving for perfection in health and lifestyle, the Charter villages rely on the high quality food produced in cities like B-Mor, where Fan and Reg are from.  Peoples living the counties are left to fend for themselves, growing their own food, providing their own services, and finding their own ways to survive in the midst of an ungoverned territory.  Little movement occurs between the three sections of society, but nevertheless, the reader follows Fan as she leaves B-Mor and journeys into the counties, encountering physical injury, an outcast veterinarian, and a dangerous family of performers along the way.  Her journey continues inside the walls of a Charter city, where she finds herself unwillingly serving a childless couple, keeping a doctor company, and uniting with a brother she has never met.  Slowly, over the course of the novel, the details of Fan's life inside B-Mor, and the affects her departure has on the city she left behind, are revealed as the residents of B-Mor itself tell her story.

One of the underlying themes of the book is the phrase "where you are." Fan lives in the moment.  She doesn't plan for anything.  Instead, she improvises as she goes, remaining in a situation until she sees fit to move on, and then letting whatever happens next happen without complaint. This really struck a chord with me because it reminds me of the struggles I've had since my college graduation, trying to live where I am even though it is not where I envisioned I would be.  I've been living as if this time in my life is a lost era.  It's as if my goal has been to get to the end of this period of time instead of learning from it and growing through it.  So while I thoroughly enjoyed On Such a Full Sea from start to finish, it has caused me to look at myself and where I am.

Name Change

When I started this blog back in 2009, I don't think I really knew what I was doing.  I didn't have a clear picture of what I wanted this blog to be or even what it meant to be a blogger.  A lot has happened in five years and this blog has outgrown its name.  I've been thinking about changing it for a while now, but I still haven't come up with a name I like.  Whatever it may be, a new name will reflect the vision I have for this blog going forward. So stay tuned for more information come May!

Makeup

I am not the stereotypical woman:  I hate clothes.  I hate shopping.  I hate makeup.  However, I wear makeup because I don't have perfect skin (I do break out and I am a picker), so I use makeup mainly to cover-up and even out my skin.  That being said, I still have not found a brand of makeup that I actually like.  One of the things that makes shopping for skin care products difficult for me is I have somewhat sensitive skin.  And makeup is not cheap.  A poor, soon-to-be grad student can't afford to spend a ton of money trying out different brands.  Plus, you know, there's the shopping around bit, standing in the aisle for what seems like an eternity, trying to figure out what looks like it's worth trying.  I don't even do anything fancy, just concealer, powder, and blush!

Life as It Is: Reflections on the Past Year

I debated whether or not to write this post because there have been many things in the past year that I wish would have gone differently and that I would have done differently.

Needless to say, it has not been a smooth year.  By this time last year, I had decided that I did not want to become a full-time church musician. Between classes, my senior recital, and everything else that was happening my final semester of college, there was little I could do to change direction.  I was terrified of the fact that, come the day after graduation, I would have absolutely no plan for came next.  For the first few days after graduation, I was paralyzed:  I barely left my apartment and got very little packed for the move home.  The apartment was a disaster because my parents had already taken all of my furniture, leaving stuff scattered all over the place.

It was a couple of weeks later that I finally moved back home.  Home brought it's own challenges.  Since my freshman year, I've lived largely out of boxes in the guestroom.  I hate living out of boxes.  Despite my best efforts, I can never remember exactly where I've packed anything.

In five years, my family has changed just about as much as I have.  As such, I've had a hard time connecting with them.  I think one of the best decisions I made was to find a different church to call home.  It's given me the opportunity to meet new people.  I also have been going to counseling. For me, it's been a wonderful blessing to get an outside perspective on what I've been going through and to talk about some of the issues I've been struggling with.

It's been a rough year, but this period of my life is almost past.  I know for sure that I will be starting a PhD program in mathematics this fall, although I'm still not one hundred percent sure where.  I am very much looking forward to moving to a new place, meeting new people, and being once again in an academic environment.

The Kitchen

The kitchen is one of my favorite rooms, and not because I like cooking.  I feel that cooking needs to be more of a collaboration, so I enjoy doing it with other people.  Plus, I find one needs to do a whole bunch of things at once, and I'm not a good at multitasking.  I tend to become quickly frustrated and overwhelmed if I'm trying to prepare something by myself. No, the kitchen is my favorite room because I love baking.

I enjoy the process of making baked goods.  It takes time and patience and love to make a tasty loaf of bread. One works one step at a time: measuring out one ingredient, mixing multiple ingredients together, letting the dough rise (if there's yeast involved), and then baking it in the oven.  Oh, and the fragrant aroma that slowly fills the house!

It's been quite a while since I've baked anything and I've been itching to put my hand to the dough.  Today, I decided to make some scones to have for breakfast this week.  I started with this recipe from King Arthur Flour and modified it a bit.  My scones ended up being a little on the done side, but they were still very tasty, with just hint of orange (I just had to sample one with a cup of tea, of course!).

Spiced Orange Chocolate Chip Scones

1 ¹⁄₂ c. whole white wheat flour
1 ¹⁄₄ c. AP flour
¹⁄₃ c. sugar
1 tbsp. baking powder
³⁄₄ tsp. salt
¹⁄₂ tsp. baking soda
¹⁄₂ tsp. cinnamon
¹⁄₂ c. butter
1 c. mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
zest of 1 orange
2 eggs
¹⁄₄ c. half and half
¹⁄₄ c. orange juice
2 tsp. vanilla

Mix the first six ingredients together.  Cut in the butter (I find it easiest to use my hands) and stir in the chips and orange zest.  In a separate bowl, mix the rest of the ingredients.  Combine this second mixture into the first, adding a little more orange juice if the dough is too dry.  Turn out onto a floured surface, kneading it a bit if necessary.  Form into two rounds about 3/4 of an inch thick and brush with a bit of half and half. Using a knife that has been rinsed in cold water, cut each round into six slices.  Place the slices on a cookie sheet in the freezer for at least half of an hour (mine were in for about two hours) and then bake for about 20 minutes at 425° F.  Enjoy!

Jesus: Our Redeemer

If God Himself Be for Me (LSB 724, st. 1)

If God Himself be for me,
   I may a host defy;
For when I pray, before me
   My foes, confounded, fly.
If Christ, my head and master,
   Befriend me from above,
What foe or what disaster
   Can drive me from His love?

In this first stanza, Paul Gerhardt echos Paul in Romans 8:31 "What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?" Similar questions appear again and again throughout Scripture:

• In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.  What can flesh do to me?  (Ps. 56:4)
• The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?  (Ps. 118:6)
• He who vindicates me is near.  Who will contend with me?  Let us stand up together.  Who is my adversary?  Let him come near to me. Behold, the Lord God helps me; who will declare me guilty? (Is. 50:8–9)

Why can we be confident against those who would seek our destruction? Because God has redeemed us through Christ Jesus.  Our foes flee not because of anything we have done.  No, they flee because the One we pray to has defeated sin, death, and the devil, and He then befriends us because, as Luther says in his explanation of the third article of the Apostles' Creed, "I believe that I cannot by my own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord, or come to Him."  Christ has done it all. We are firmly in His hand and no one can drive us from Him.

introduction | next stanza

Sources:

Lutheran Service Book (CPH, 2006)

The Lutheran Study Bible (CPH, 2009)

in season

in spring

life, green

new opportunities

in summer

thunder and rain

sunshine, spontaneity

in fall

maturity, ripe harvest

dying

in winter

clean slate

waiting for a new tomorrow

Holes

there's a hole by the bedroom doorway,

one on the floor in front of the bathroom sinks.

twin holes are forlorn

spaces by the baker's rack.

there's empty sound

whenever the fridge is open,

cheese packages and apples

leave silence in their wake.

there's an empty spot behind me,

as I warm my feet at the deck's edge.

where once sad eyes peaked

over the top stair, there is absence.

but the worst hole of them all,

the gaping tear in my heart,

is the one most empty,

the one that cannot be filled.

Giving In

I don't have the heart to finish and edit the post I originally planned for today.  I've finally had to accept that our dog, Taffy, is very sick, and in a few hours, we will be putting her down.