Invisibility

So I broke my promise to you, dear reader, to post every two weeks on Sunday. Life has been pretty busy and stressful the last few weeks, and writing a blog post fell pretty far down the priority list. I keep reminding myself that part of healing and building wellness is giving myself grace when I can't do all the things I want to do. Sometimes, focusing on self-care has to take precedence so I can remain a mostly functioning human.

For me personally, that can be hard because I am a chronically stressed person and also a bit perfectionist. I put so much pressure on myself. I also feel the pressure of others, whether imagined or real. And I think anyone who deals with chronic or persistent health issues feels the same way, especially when the issues you are dealing with aren't visible to those around you.

It's especially hard when that external pressure isn't imagined. It hurts when someone makes comments to your face like "You're too young to be sick" or "You just need to do X, Y, and Z and you'll feel better", as if such statements will make all your problems go away. If only words could solve all of life's problems.

Hearing these sorts of words, (along with the words, "You're fine" when all your bloodwork looks "normal"), are damaging. They make you feel like it's all in your head. "I must just be making it up.  Everyone else thinks I'm fine."

But I'm here to remind you (and myself) that even if you look fine, you are not ok. You do look ok because you put all of your energy into looking "fine" when out shopping, at work, at church. But when you get home, the façade comes crumbing down. You allow yourself to remember that your sinuses feel awful for 27th day in a row, you are tired and you know it'll be difficult to drag yourself out of bed for work tomorrow morning, and you want to do nothing more than stay at home and rest.

You are not alone. It is ok to feel unwell and admit to yourself and others that you feel such. And if someone tries to tell you otherwise, don't let their pressure get to you. I see your invisibility and I'm here for you.

-Kristen

What is something you struggle with that you wish others could see?