It's been a bit of a rough year. This time last year, I was applying to grad schools and didn't have a job. Now, I've just completely my first semester as a grad student at the University of Wyoming and I have a teaching assistantship with quite a nice stipend. It's been a very long year, but I am in a much better place than I was a year ago. It is said that in the moment, it is hard to see past what is to what could be, and I have certainly discovered this to be true.
Perhaps I've just been in a pensive mood, but lately I've been thinking about how American culture tends to veer away from negativity. We talk (and sing) about being happy and maintaining positivity. Whenever someone is sad or angry or upset, we tell them they can change their attitude, can change the way they feel. But to someone who is feeling a little low, these words are not a comfort; they sound like a reminder of the failure to be in complete control of oneself.
I certainly am not in complete control of my emotions or feelings. I struggle sometimes with being a functioning adult (what's a vacuum cleaner?) and a responsible student (but there's a new episode available on Hulu!). I am not perfect. I am sometimes down in a the dumps. I get unjustly angry with those I love. I am a sinful being who screws up on a regular basis. Sure, I'm not proud of it, but I don't want to hide it either.
The holidays are a time when I think we are especially prone to put up a facade of perfection and happiness. But we are not perfect. We should talk with others about our shortcomings and struggles, and in doing so, we can encourage one another to make it through the tough times. We may not be able to see it now, but things will not always be this bad. Life is a series of hills and by supporting our neighbors, together we can make it through the valleys.
