Post #13

Since my last post, I have managed to accomplish a few things on my list. I think I may have discovered an activity today that I enjoy doing. This summer I started baking bread, a buttermilk oatmeal bread to be exact. Baking bread takes time and patience. I like how it involves a lot of numbers and is fairly forgiving (if the measurement isn't exact, that's ok). I enjoy the process too. You start with individual ingredients, work the dough until it's the right texture and consistency, wait (sometimes a very long time), bake, and enjoy! It wasn't until I was watching some TV shows this morning about bread, eggs, and milk that I realized how much I actually enjoy baking. Right now I only know how to make a few different types of bread, but I now look forward to expanding my repertoire.

I have also finished a book--more than one in fact--and I hope to soon finish another. Perhaps I'll get around to posting a few book reviews, but I'm not going to promise anything.

And I did talk to Dr. Ore. As a result of my conversation with him, I ended up getting a job this summer with Bedient Pipe Organ Company. I learned a lot while I was there and had some interesting experiences. All that is a subject for a different, lengthier post.

I've had this blog for several years now, and up to this point, posts have been few and far between. Today (or yesterday?) has been a very enlightening day, and I have another topic for a post that may (or may not) occur in the near future. Until such time, I bid any who read this goodnight and enjoy that extra hour of sleep tonight!

The Long and the Short of It

So, in an earlier post, I alluded to the fact that my decision to transfer to Concordia was loosely tied to the 2009 Higher Things conference. At that conference I attended an In Depth sectional about being a church organist. That got me thinking: I’m a musician, I love playing the organ for church, and I’m passionate about music’s place in the service and in the liturgical life of the church. Over the course of the following fall semester, evaluated where I was headed as a math major and where I could be headed as a church musician. I decided that perhaps church music would be a career path that I would enjoy pursuing and during the Christmas break applied to two Concordias. My last semester at Tech was a difficult one: I didn't want to leave. I had planned on being there for four years (at least) and had made some incredible friends and was forging new relationships. What’s more is that I still wasn't entirely sold on the idea of changing career paths.

Even though I’m well into my second semester in Seward, I am still struggling with a many of the same feelings I was attempting to sort through a year ago. In fact, if nothing else, I am more confused and uncertain about my future than ever before. While not official, I've decided to finish my math degree on top of my music degree. I’m not sure I want to be a parish musician. I feel like a part of me is missing, like I left a portion of myself behind at Tech. I’m struggling to make new friends, find a place that feels like home, and adjust to a complete change of scenery. I am feeling uncertain of my faith, knowing the answers to the “Sunday School” questions, but not understanding how the answers apply to my life.

I’m also learning that I have no idea who I am. Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions with homework and such without really enjoying what I’m doing. Classes are just classes and I’m not relating them to any end goal. I've been told by several people recently to remember to take time out to do something I love to do, but I’m not really sure what I like to do for pleasure. I unfortunately waste most of my free time on the computer or watching TV.

So I’m going to make this semester a semester of discovery and productivity. I shall begin by setting some goals.

1. Find an activity I enjoy doing.
2. Finish reading one book. I keep starting books, but never finishing them, so I’ll finish at least one that I've already started.
3. Talk to Dr. Ore. This is a topic for another post, but I’m hoping he’ll be able to help me sort out some organist-related stuff.
4. Post to this blog at least once a week. Writing is always a good way to relieve stress and that is going to be particularly important semester.
5. Most importantly, I need to be in the Word. I think a good way to make this goal specific would be to pick a book to read. I’m not sure yet what that book will be, but I’m thinking Ecclesiastes or Lamentations.

Let the semester (five weeks late) begin!